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Danielle

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realization... [Jan. 26th, 2005|10:02 am]
[mood | contemplative]
[music |obviously smashing pumpkins]

Snow Day. Im so glad I got out of that history test. I didnt study at all yesterday. First Diane came over after english. Then we went to Brite Star, and Griff, Mexi, and Dan met us there. Then I dropped Diane off at the school to go to Boces. Then we went to pick up Lappin. After that we just drove around alot. We went to Tuxedo to get gas?? idk why. Then we came back to my house and hung out.  Diane came over after boces.  Griff and Lappin left, then Diane. A little while later Dan and Mexi. Later on Nick, Anthony and Rob came over.  I was so incredibly tired. So I ended up never studying.
There were two boxes of these "La Pone Jordan Almonds" next to my computer and I dont like almonds but I decided to try them anyway cuz they are cool colors and looked good. It turns out they are amazingg. Especially since I dont like alomonds to being with. Gosh im so tubby.

Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little girl
So old in my shoes
And what i choose is my choice
What's a girl supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love I send this smile over to you

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

well ive learned a whole lot in the past two months...and im glad i did. also I miss hanging out with you and Im not the only one who does. If only you were somewhat similar to how you used to be-maybe we could be friends...

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can you say snow?? [Jan. 23rd, 2005|01:14 am]
[mood | contemplative]
[music |nicole and dianes lovely voices]

Well Friday in school was like the longest day ever. fuckin sucked i just couldnt wait to get out of there. im so fuckin sick of that place already. cant wait till summer. so then after school i hung out with Nicole and we went to the show later on. we saw many cool people there so it was fun. after the show we went to the diner with andrew, griff and dan. Then dropped off andrew and hung out with dan and griff at my house. my mom wouldnt let them sleepover tho since my grandma and aunt are staying with us and "it wouldnt look right". so they went home around 130 or something. Nicole slept over :)

Saturday I got a call saying the commons was closing so i didnt have to go in :) So me and Nicole had a movie day. We both decided Im not too good at those kinda days tho. I lose attention and i get too antsy. we wathced IT and some of cruel intentions 2. i like the original cruel intentions a lot better so far. Then I was coloring a picture. I made one for Nicole :)

Tomorrow I have work 10-3. Hopefully I dont have to go in till a little later so I can sleep in. After im probably not doing anything but some homework.

Now im on the phone with Diane and hanging out with Nicole. Im not tired at all so we will prob be up for awhile. Nicole is yelling at me so I must get off the computer.



<3 Danielle
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[Jan. 6th, 2005|03:05 pm]
[mood | content]
[music |mudvayne]

today is another snow day. its cool we got two days off. i wasnt in school on monday so for the first week back 2 days isnt bad. yesterday i went to the mall-went shopping. got some clothes and my third whole pierced. today i died my hair. i was going for the reddish color it used to be but i had some blonde still in there so it came out kinda bright. owell its just hair. it will grow out. so i have fuckin two tests tomorrow. one for chem...gonna fail that shit. and one for history. hopefully should do ok on that. i really have to start trying in school again. ive been slacking off alot. and its not good. this is the most important year and blah blah blah. i have been pretty happy lately i suppose which is always a good thing. im getting back to my old self, always laughing and joking around. ah im so bored. i really should go study but i do not want to at all. i want to go to a concert. last one was warped tour in august...months ago. i really really wanna go to ozzfest this year. that would be amazing. but i dont know how i would get there. my sister and brother usually go but i dont know if they'd have room to take me. well thats enough writing for today. gonna go listen to some more mudvayne.
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[Dec. 13th, 2004|02:34 pm]
[mood | sad]
[music |brand new- okay i believe you, but my tommy gun dont]

havent updated in a long time. so hmm whats new in my life... nothing good. um school still sucks,but a whole lot more. and yesterday i had such a bad day. i was in such a bad mood as it was and then it seemed like everything was going wrong. i had a chem essay to write at like 930 at night. and before i could start typing it i had to research the whole thing. so i was planning on doing it for many hours. but i was so frustrated and upset at the same time so at 12 i had enough and just went to sleep. chem is so fuckin dumb. i am never gonna use it.fuckin pointless shit. like so many of the other classes i take for absolutely no reason.this morning i came in late so i could get some sleep. ive been getting no sleep whatsoever this past week. it fuckin sucks. im so tired and im sick. i just feel so shitty lately. well, i go into chem class today and it turns out that the essay was extra credit. so i wasted 2 and a half hours. fuckin amazing. but i guess its better than it actually counting for something. and its my fault cuz if i wasnt so busy coloring in that class maybe id actually know it was extra credit. but if the teacher and chemistry wasnt so boring to begin with maybe it would keep my attention for longer than 2 seconds. all i have to say is school and life can kiss my ass cuz it fuckin sucks so much. its all bullshit. and i know that if it werent for Diane&Nicole i wouldnt be here right now. they've done so much for me and i fuckin love them. they are TRUE best friends.
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[Sep. 9th, 2004|07:46 pm]
[mood |pretty shitty.]
[music |static-x Love dump]

yeah this year fuckin sucks. i hate school and this year, almost everything about it.

i am a fuck up, i will never be good enough.

end of story.
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[Aug. 10th, 2004|12:39 pm]
[mood | anxious]
[music |soco amaretto lime]

Saturday-went to warped tour with Nicole, Danielle and Lauren. It was awesome, I had a lot of fun. I got to see Coheed & Cambria, Billy Talent, Rufio, Yellowcard and a few others as well. We met Billy Talent and got their autographs :) My throat was filled with dust, so between that and screaming my throat was killing me.
Sunday-Diane was back from vacation so we needed a girls night! Hungout with Nicole and Diane. We went to the commons then to Dianes house, ordered pizza, watched movies, sat outside and talked. Me and Nicole sleptover. It was alot of fun.
Monday-Me and Nicole went to Anthonys to hangout with Mexi and Anthony. After hanging around his house we walked to Smith Clove and hung out there. Then we walked to Burger King for something to eat, then back to Smith Clove. After that Diane came :) We saw Adam, Alex, Tom and some others so we watched them play raquetball for a while. Then we got bored of that so went in the other side and played with a ball ourselves. At like 1130 we walked to Dunkin Donuts. We all just sat in front of it and chilled. It was freezing out!! Then Anthony and Mexi found a way home at like 3. Dianes sister picked us up like 20 min. later and I got home around 3:30. Nicole sleptover. Diane wasnt allowed :(
Today-Have to work and then afterwards I dont know what Im doing. I wanna work alot tho, hopefully I will be busy and wont get bored so i want to stay longer. I need to get money. I need to put some in my bank and I owe my parents some money so I gotta work like 3 hours to pay them back. Plus I need like 30 dollars to have on me cuz i like never have money anymore since I dont work adn I HATE borrowing money from people. ugh hopefully I will get the job at Factory Brand Shoes. if not im stuck with working for my parents. which is really the best bet cuz i make my own hours, cna work whenever I want, for however long i want. but owell.

Whoa that was a long entry.

<3
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[Jul. 28th, 2004|10:10 am]
[mood | bored]
[music |Korn-its on]

Well Saturday I went to the show at AOH. There werent many people there but I mostly hung out with Julia, Anthony and Lorianne. It was alright. The bands were good tho. Me and Anthony left early and went to the Airplane Park with some people for a little. When I went home I had to pack. My uncle came down to pick me, my siter, and Nicole up. Then we were going to my other uncles house in New Jersey. We got there at like 1 in the morning. The next morning we were supposed to go to the beach but the weather people said it was supposed to be chilly and rain so we went to the Liberty Science Center instead-big difference. Well it wasnt that bad I suppose. The touch tunnel thing was alot of fun. I got lost, I was so scared! cuz its in the dark and your supposed to feel the wall to guide you. but of course it wasnt that simple for me. haha im such an idiot. Anyway, the next day, Monday, we went to Six Flags! The lines were so freakin long. Every line we went on for like the really good rides were like an hour. So we didnt get to go on much but we got to go on Nitro, which is the best ride in the park so we had fun. While we were on line for Nitro all the power went out in the park! I was soo pissed cuz I thought we'd have to leave before we got on but they got it working again just in time. So we went on and then left soon after that. I have to go back again hopefully one day when its not crowded. We came back monday night.
Tuesday I didnt do much. slept in late and then went to work. I had some time to myself, which I never get cuz im always with someone. I usually dont like being alone but it was kinda nice, I got to look through my memory box, read some notes... that led to some sad moments. I miss the past. I wish it didnt happen this way. I wish we all stayed how we were a year and a half ago.
Today I think Im hanging out with Anthony in the beginning of the day, I havent seen him since Saturday night, which was only for a little while. I miss him!
When Diane gets off from work I think im hanging out with her. And who knows what we will do form there.

<3 Danielle
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[Jul. 20th, 2004|12:34 pm]
[mood | bored]
[music |nothing yet.]

Well havent updated in awhile. Lately I've just been hanging out with friends, obviously, cuz thats all i really do. Yesterday I spent the whole day with Anthony. It was our 3 months...hes amazing :) At night we took my little sister and her friend to the movies and some gay kid was hitting on Anthony- hahaha it was kinda funny. Today I'm supposed to hang out with Diane :) :) We are gonna go to the commons probably and then most likely hang out here. I miss her so much!! we dont really hang out alone anymore, shes always working :( When Nicole gets back from work shes gonna call and chill with us as well. Anthony went away today till tomorrow night. I will miss him. Dianes going away soon too for like 2 weeks :( :( i will miss her like whoa! Then I'm supposed to go away for like a week one of the weeks that Dianes gone so it wont be that bad. But idk if i can go to warped tour w/ Nicole cuz i might still be away, which sucks ass. Anyway, im gonna go tan now so goodbyeeee.

this was a pointless entry, just kinda rambelling my thoughts on and on. eh whatever.

<3 Danielle
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[Jun. 29th, 2004|02:18 pm]
[mood | anxious]
[music |Nirvana]

Saturday--Nicole & Anthony came over. We chilled at my house then went to Harriman and hung out with Mexi, Griff, Caroline and Lorianne. It was fun. Me and Nicole got picked up around midnight. My mom drove her home and then I went home and went to sleep.
Sunday--My sisters graduation party. My dads side of the family came over and some of my sisters friends. I helped my mom out with the cooking since I really didnt talk to anyone much. Theres mostly little kids on that side so yeah. I like little kids and all but after awhile its like get away from me already. Yeah anyways, then Nicole cameover to save me. We just hung around the house. Adam stopped by later on. At night we went to Dianes house to sleepover. We just hung out and Tom stopped by as well. Fun night.
Monday--Left Dianes house around 1. Went home and got ready and then Anthony came over. We spent the whole day together. We talked alot and took a walk and went to this little park thing. It was fun. I had a good time with him, as always.
Today--Well I woke up and had to go to a funeral mass :( my next door neighbor passed away Thursday morning. She had really bad cancer for a little while now and her doctor put her on this new medication. She had complications from it and had to go to the hospital. She was in intensive care and was not allowed visitors. She died from a combination of all this put together. She was, I think, 80 years old. She lived a very full life. She was so sweet. I know she is much better off now. She was suffering and I know she doesnt feel the pain anymore. Needless to say, everyone will miss her dearly.

R.I.P. Evelyn

--Danielle
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Yesterday [Jun. 25th, 2004|05:12 pm]
[mood | sad]
[music |*Paradise City*]

Nicole, Diane, Mexi, and Griff came over. We watched some tv then went to Monroe Diner, Airplane Park, Dunkin Donuts, & Burger King. We saw Adam and Jenn at Pizza Hut. Then went back to the park. Nicole got picked up, then Mexi. Then Diane, Griff and I saw Dianes sister. We chilled with her for awhile. It was fun! well until Diane wasnt feeling too good:(
I sleptover Dianes and went home in the morning.
Today I started painting my room, went to the chiropractor, and then yeah I have to go paint again:( I dont wanna Im so tired and Im all alone. I hate being alone. Hopefully Diane will be coming soon-we are supposed to hang out :)

--Danielle
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Vickis party!!! [Jun. 24th, 2004|12:41 pm]
[mood | chipper]
[music |the useddd.]

I woke up on Wednesday morning and Diannneeee came over. We went swimming, picked Diana up from her friends house and then...
Vickis shindig!!! it was quite fun. Me and Diane went around 3. Many cool people were there. We hung around, swam, and yea SOME people played truth or dare...hmm, Whatever rows your canoe.
We left around 10:30. Diane sleptover, we talked and stuff. It was fun as always!!
At 12:30 Nicole came over!!
Today we are going to Harriman and hanging out with Mexi and maybe Anthony and possibly Griff? who knowssss. Also, I have to paint my room before I go I think :( Owell Diane and Nicole can help me!!!

Ill update tomorrow or laterrr or something...

<3 Danielle
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Phone with Dianeeeeee [Jun. 23rd, 2004|12:34 am]
[mood | bored]
[music |limp bizkit-faith]

Yeahhhh...
Well yesterday I found out that what I thought all along, is true. I AM judged by my family A LOT. And more than that, they talk about me behind my back as well. Yeah real fuckin nice family I got, eh? And ya know isn't your family the people who you can ALWAYS trust, and ALWAYS will look out for you and all that shit? well either the whole world is fucked or my family is just fucked. And my mom and my two sisters will NEVER accept me for who I am. And my dad and brother-well I think they accept me the most out of everyone, but they still dont like me much. And I can never be myself around them, I can never feel comfortable. I always felt judged and like I didnt belong, and now it is proven to me. No one ever liked me in my family. Kinda sad that my family even talks about me behind my back, well whatever, I will be out of here in 2 years hopefully. Yeah I am def. not planning on being around my house this summer now. But last summer I was never home and, of course I got in trouble for that as well. Dont I just get in trouble for everything? fuck this, if my family cant accept me-who can? well dont be my friend if u are just pretending to like me, or if u dont like me for me, dont talk to me cuz I dont need more bullshit. Thank you.
so I'm done with school...finally! Woohoo!! My last final today--Italian, wasn't bad, there was no grammar on it, which was the only thing I actually kinda studied. But whatever, I'm glad it wasn't on there. I hope I passed everything and did like at least ok on them. If I didn't I'm gonna get in pretty deep shit. I didn't really do that great in school this year-I wasn't motviated at all but owell next year is a new year, hopefully I try hard.
Today was the start of my summer. I worked for a few hours at the office. Then Anthony came over and we hungout for a little and then went to the mallllll. I had a good time, as always, with him.
Yea so I got a shirt, two bracelets, earrings, and toe rings. We came back to my house went for a walk. Diane was supposed to sleepover and she got here and her mom told her she couldn't. Such bullshit. Adam came over after work. He drove Anthony home, then dropped me off at home and then went home.
Tomorrow me and Diane are going to Vicki's party around 2 depending on stuff. Then idk whattttt. I have to get my permit soon.
Thursday--I think Me, Diane, Nicole, Anthony, Mexi, and Griff are hanging. Should be fun fun fun.
Friday--I dont know yet. Prob including hanging out with Diaannnneee.
Saturday--Sisters graduation party.
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well yeah... [Jun. 19th, 2004|11:54 pm]
[mood | drained]
[music |adema cuz they fuckin rock.]

Hmm...
Last night hung out with Diane, Nicole, Anthony, Mexi, Rob, Lorianne and some others. We hung out in Harriman then Nicole, Diane and Mexi came to my house and Anthony came over. We chilled and shit. After Anthony and Mexi left we went swimminggg till like idk 1 or 2 in the morning? it was fun...but kinda scaryy haha. anyways, so this morning I went to Diana's softball game and picnic with Diane and Nicole. Then we came home and went swimming. At like 4, Diane went to work and Juliet picked me and Nicole up and we went to Smith Clove to meet people. We hung out there, then went into Monroe. I was supposed to go to the show but whatever, that didnt happen. So I went with Anthony, Justin and Rob to Anthonys. We chilled there. It was fun, as always. Tomorrow is fathers day. I have to help around the house. And also hopefully I will be able to work for some $. Monday I have pers. management test and Tuesday I have my Italian regents. then I am done! woo hoo. Wednesday-Vickis partayy. Should be a lovely start to summer vacationnn.

--Happy two months Anthony. You are the best! <3


<3 Danielle
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[Jun. 5th, 2004|05:50 pm]
[mood | discontent]
[music |i would be listening to music but my speakers arent working.]

fuck i just made a whole journal entry and it all got erased. well im not typing another one all over again. not like it was important or anyone reads it anyway so it doesnt matter.
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week... [May. 27th, 2004|04:35 pm]
[mood | content]
[music |t.v.]

Well this week so far has been alright.

Monday-went home and did my homework. Then went over Anthonys house when he got back from work. Its always fun being with him.
Tuesday-Diane came over. We went on the trampoline and just hung out for a little while and talked and shit. Her sister picked her up pretty early tho. :/ I love hanging out with my Diane shes the bestttttt:)
Wednesday-stayed after with Diane; she had a swim team meeting. Then I went to Jenns house. Diane wasnt allowed to come >:/ My brother picked us up and drove us to Monroe. We walked around for a while trying to kill time. At 5, we walked to Pizza Hut and got some buffalo chicken pizza. We got picked up and went back to Jenns house. Tom came over for a little then my mom picked me up. It was fun!
Thursday-Diane came over after school. we talked and went on the trampoline. Her sister picked her up early again :( I had fun tho!
Tomorrow-umm well I have to stay after for Italian cuz my teacher's a sped. How gay! staying after on a Friday... Dianes gonna stay with me tho! Thenn...idk what we are doing. But what I do know is that-

I need to go shopping reeaaaall bad!

update tomorrow or something?

<3

Danielle
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fuck off. [May. 23rd, 2004|02:27 pm]
[mood | sad]
[music |korn-thoughtless]

I wake up and go on the treadmill. then went outside tanning with my sister on the trampoline. after that I was gonna do my hair but shit happened; of course.

my mom is once again being a bitch to me for absolutely no reason. I'm so sick of this bullshit. everyday I have to put up with it. I dont understand, like everything I do is wrong. she will never appreciate me or anything I do for her. sorry I'm such a fuck up. no more will I try to please her because its completely impossible. she takes everything out on me. like everything thats goes wrong is my fault. even if I have nothing to do with it, it is my fault somehow. shes always yelling at me for something, its not fair. it really isnt. she grounds me for not talking to my family and never smiling or joking around with them and never looking happy. wonder why I never look happy? maybe its cuz I'm not. maybe you're the reason for it. whatever. fuck this shit.

just fucking accept me for me or leave me the fuck alone. I dont need more pointless bullshit.
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um yea... [May. 23rd, 2004|12:26 am]
[mood | tired]

so this week was really sad. to the family and friends-I am very sorry. school absolutely sucked. i really hope its not like this for much longer. its so depressing.

so friday i went to dianes after school and we took a nap cuz we were tired. after that we talked alot with dianes mom and sister. it was good. then we hung out with dianes sister and we went to staples, micheals, and then to dunkin donuts. then alex and tom came and dianes sister left. we drove around with tom and alex and then went to pizza hut for a little. after that we went to dianes house and i slept over. it was fun. i woke up and went home to get ready for nicole's sweet 16 party! i got ready and then diane and her mom came to pick me up. we went to nicoles house. it was alot of fun! i had a good time. my mom picked us up and brought us back to my house and then hannah and jenn came over. they got lost taking a walk in highland mills. hahaha i love them. so we went to jenns house so she could talk to her mom and then we went to the dugout. we got ice cream. then we met my brother at the office just to say hi, then walked across the street to the diner. we are fatasses. alex showed up and stayed for a little while. we left at like 12. i was supposed to sleepover dianes house but we were just so tired. so we all just went home. i called anthony and now im bored. im so tired. i havent gotten like any sleep this week. i really should go to sleep but i just dont want to. i wish i could talk to someone. but like everyones asleep. eh w.e.

Happy Sweet 16 Nicole!!

<3

Danielle
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fuck you. [May. 17th, 2004|01:55 pm]
[mood | crappy]
[music |Thoughts running through my mind...I hate thinking-not good]

so today is monday. I stayed home from school. my throat and ear were hurting so its an excuse since I really didnt feel like going to that shit hole today. I mean I never do but im just sick of it lately. I cant take it anymore. so make fake people, all this bullshit. I cant wait for summer so I can only see the people I really like seeing. At least theres only like 4 more weeks left. then fuckin finals. I hope i pass everything. 20% of your grade is alot. its fuckin gay, I try pretty hard all year and one test can ruin it all. anyway enough about that shit.
Anyway besides that I slept till 11 which was good. got 12 hours of much needed sleep. then i had some soup, called nextel, fixed my phone, and did a mile and a half on the treadmill and then took a shower. I feel refreshed. and now im bored...i should clean my room cuz it REALLY messy but yea idk maybe later or something.

last night my mom was being a fuckin bitch out of nowhere she started screaming at me and shit and now im grounded- cant hang out with anyone or do anything. fuckin bullshit. shes such a bitch sometimes. she takes everything out on me. and im not the only one who sees it. ill never be good enough for her. nothing i do is ever right, it seems. bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit- thats what my life contains. great huh? yea so she made me pretty sad and ruined the rest of my day. i mean my day was going pretty shitty already but then she had to make it worse. is that what moms are for?? whatever.

I hate this place. I need to get out of here...someone please run away with me. I will greatly appreciate it.

...

Danielle
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This Weekend. [May. 16th, 2004|02:34 pm]
[mood |eh, who knows]
[music |yellowcard-powder.]

So Saturday was my sister's bday. I went to her softball game with my mom and dad. After that my mom and I went to get stuff for Julia. Then we went home to say goodbye to my dad. He went away with his friends he's coming back tomorrow tho. Then I went to Kohls and my mom got me some clothes. I got a skirt, capris and a few shirts. I looove shopping! I also got Julia her presents from me and Diane. After that I went to Julia's house for awhile. It was fun. There were alot of people there. I was just sad tho. I didnt really talk to anyone as much as I normally would. sorry Julia :/ we had piza and chinese food which is good cuz i ate like nothing before that so I was really hungary cuz Im a fatass. Then I had to go so my brother picked me up around 9. After that I went to Dianes. She had just got back from picking up Liz:) Adam, Jenn and Caitlin came and picked us up. We hung out at Jenns then dropped off Caitlin. We drove around, then went back to Jenn's and chilled. It was cool, had fun. Then Adam dropped us off at Diane's and I sleptover. I got picked up at like 11 cuz I had to go to church. I got ready and everything. Then came back and talked to Anthony. My cell is all fucked up. Which sucks cuz ya know its pretty new and so yea I was supposed to go to the nextel place with Alex but I think I'll just call up and see what they can do. I have a stupid report thing for english. suucks, I better go do that. School tomorrow. maybe I wont go. It sucks I cant stand it anymore. I just want to get out of there. There are too many people who are just so fake and completely ridiculous. Its horrible, Monroe sucks. Cant wait to get out of here.

Things are better, but will never be good I suppose. Its really sad how people just have to ruin things for everyone. Its not fair. But I guess thats why they say life's not fair. Eh idk. I wish i could run away with a few people and never come back to this stupid gay place. But for now I'll have to deal...

yours truly,

Danielle
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Asshole. [May. 15th, 2004|02:09 am]
[mood | blah]
[music |none.]

Finally- its Friday.
Went to school. Same shit. Then Diane, Jenn and I went to Jimmy nails. Jenn and Diane got pedicures and I got a fill. Then we went to the chinese place and ate. After that we had to go watch a bunch of 12yr. olds? weird shit. but omg Jenn you are so funny, I love you! hahaha. Then they got picked up :( and I walked to my house and took a shower and got ready to go out to dinner. We went out to Chilis for my sister's bday and then came home and she opened her gifts and we had cake and shit. then i was sad and stuff and so adam jenn and alex came to see me. then we went to dianes house and hung out there for ahwile. after that we went to the diner. tom showed up. then we all went home. it was cool. it started a bad night and went to a goood one!

thank you guys very much, i love you all!!


thank you asshole, cuz ya know...i really do appreciate it.


i wish i could just run away sometimes...

i think if i never came back that would be a good thing.

-Danielle.
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